How Do you Handle the Fear of Rejection

How to Handle Your Fear of Rejection

Do you have a fear of rejection?

You know that feeling: the sick to your stomach, nauseous feeling.

It’s as if all of a sudden everything ever said of you is summed up in the person’s rejection of you.

It feels personal. It is personal.

If you have felt this emotion before, you have probably got a healthy dose of fear to go with it. A fear of rejection can strangle any dream, vision, or desire in your heart.

It can keep you from the very thing that God has called you to do. All because you have a fear of rejection.

For the last few weeks, we have been talking about our need for approval. We discussed how an approval addict acts. If you are new to this, go take this quick quiz to find out how you rank.

Then we talked about people-pleasing and discovered three ways in which you can quit that habit.

Next up was insecurity and I identified the cycle we can get caught up in when we seek the approval of others allowing our insecurities to get the best of us.

Then we talked about our control issues. Oh, approval addicts can be bad about this. We like to be in control and we like to know that the outcome is going to be people’s approval of us.

And the real challenge for us approval addicts is trying to not be offended when people don’t agree with us, affirm us, or approve of us the way we want them too.

So it only makes sense that this week we start to uncover what it takes to overcome a fear of rejection.

What if?

In 2011, I was confronted with my greatest fear. Death.

A CT scan revealed a carotid body tumor that needed to be removed from my neck. More specifically, the artery on the right side of my neck.

My doctor told me that I might want to live a bit longer before it was removed because removal may cause me to “bleed out.”

Yes, he said those words.

That was the first time I was ever overwhelmed by fear.

Fear that visited me in my daydreams and woke me in terror at night.

The fear of the “what ifs” was crushing me.

After much prayer and research, God led me to another doctor who had much more experience and faith in his expertise so that I did not “bleed out.”

However the surgery was a bit more complex than they thought and after 6.5 hours, 4 units of blood, and a grafted vein from my leg to complete the artery in my neck I woke up feeling like I was drowning in my own saliva.

Fear, yet again, consumed me.

Fear is a tricky emotion in that it not only can have power over your mind, but it can affect every part of your body.

My next days, weeks, and months to come were a battle. Most of which went on in my mind, working my way through overcoming fear.

So I know fear. Fear and I were friends for way too long of a time period and unfortunately can return as an unwanted guest from time to time.

Now, couple fear with a hefty dose of rejection and you have a recipe for disaster.

Overcoming the Fear of Rejection

 Early in 2010, God gave me a vision for an organization that would initiate community transformation by ministering relationally to the poor.

Cullman, AL had been my home for a few short months when God laid this vision on my heart.

Most people I shared it with were not overly excited. In fact, their responses sounded more like this:

“No way would that work. People cannot get out of poverty.”

“If that did happen here, it would not be by you, a woman, only man with substantial power would be able to do that.”

“You don’t know people here. They won’t donate to your cause if they don’t know who your kin are.”

Each of these statements felt like an arrow stinging my pride. I wanted their approval, not their rejection.

I had to make a decision, would I choose to please people or trust God instead.

Kind of like what Jesus said in John 12:42-43:

Yet at the same time many even among the leaders believed in [Jesus]. But because of the Pharisees they would not openly acknowledge their faith for fear they would be put out of the synagogue; for they loved human praise more than praise from God.

The Pharisees would not openly acknowledge Jesus because they were more concerned with human praise than they were God’s.

Which is at the core of our fear of rejection.

We don’t take risks, go after dreams, or accomplish our goals because we fear being rejected by people.

We don't take risks cause we fear rejection.

We will fear man and not do what God has told us to or we will fear God and accomplish the task He set for us to do.

But we must realize that in either scenario fear will propel us.

We don’t take risks, go after dreams, or accomplish our goals because we fear being rejected by people.

A Different What If

I want you to take a moment and consider those goals, dreams, visions you have and ask you a few questions.

  1. Are they goals/dreams/visions that will make God known?
  2. Do they feel too big to be achieved by you alone?
  3. Do you feel ill-equipped to accomplish them?

If you said yes, to all of these then I would say more than likely they are from God. It will do you well to fear Him and start taking steps forward.

But if you answered no, your focus is more on you than on God and you may want to pray about what you are trying to accomplish.

But here is the kicker, if that vision you have is from God, you have one more “what if” to ask yourself.

What if you don’t do the very thing He is calling you to do?

For me, that answer has become crystal clear. After six years now in the ministry, we serve more than 3,000 people a year.

We provided 18 different programs and services that extend to 23 different locations throughout our county.

Over 12,000 people’s lives have been impacted since we began.

I have my answer.

I’m thankful I chose the way I did.

You can too.

When you know who you are and whose you are, your identity no longer lies in whether or not that person says “yes” or “no” to your request.

You have a choice. God or Man. Who will you choose?

Like Me or Not Now Available

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Join the Launch Team for Like me Or Not

Join My Book Launch Team – Here is 3 Reasons Why

This is your official invitation to join my book launch team for Like Me or Not: Overcoming Approval Addiction.

I know your busy, and your to-do list has a to-do list of its own.

But I am going to share with you three convincing reasons why you want to make the time to be on my book launch team.

Here they are:

  1. You wonder if you are an approval addict.
  2. If you are, you need a method to talk about it.
  3. You want other people to know there is help available.

Now, if you’ve come to this wondering what a Launch team even is, allow me to address that question first.

Launch team’s for books became a popular method for big publishing houses to use to help their author’s gain more Amazon reviews.

Yep…that was the reason. To get reviews. Not a bad strategy when you think about it.

And yes, you will be sought out to help with Amazon Reviews, but I have a more important reason than that one.

You see, I didn’t write this book for Amazon review, to build a platform (it’s almost an oxymoron for an approval addict in recovery), or to become a “name” in the industry.

I wrote this book because I realized I wasn’t alone. I was so tired of the cycle I was in trying to deal with other people’s rejection, while desperately wanting others to approve of me. All the while wanting to crawl into a hole and forget interacting with people ever again. Are you with me?

We are all walking around stuck on our phones allowing social media to dictate our identities were feeling like we have to confirm, compare, and live up to more.

We are walking around with our faces attached to our screens allowing social media to determine our identities. #likemeornot

It’s mind-throbbing at times – but it doesn’t have to be.

I am not an expert, but God has allowed me to have some experiences that have led me to identify scripture, PURE TRUTH, that has proven to break the cycle of approval addiction to find my approval in Him.

Which is why you too need to be on my book launch team so, let’s talk through each of these areas.

You Wonder if You are an Approval Addict

We all do, and none of us want to be. But the reality is that God created us with a desire to want the approval of others, including Him.

It doesn’t’ take much to see why it’s an easily formed addiction when we quite innocently want to seek the approval of those around us: spouses, children, friends, family, co-workers…our hair stylists and the guy at Lowe’s.

Hearing verbal affirmations feel good because they release dopamines. Those dopamines feel so good they’ll make you want more, and more, and more approval. Before you know it, you can’t get enough.

Being on my Launch Team means you get first access to the information inside the book that will help you learn how to lessen those desires and put your focus where it needs to be, on God.

You’ll be able to access all the different ways that approval addictions can manifest itself.  Which leads to the next reason…

You Need a Method to Talk About It

Being an approval addict also means we desire justification from others, right? We need to know we are headed in the right direction and for the sake of enabling each other, we are going to do just that.

Each week I’ll get online with you through a closed Facebook group, and we’ll go through parts of the book together. If you are an external processor like me, you will love this part. I can’t wait to hear all you have to say and what questions you come up with for me.

You’ll want to know if you are doing the right thing, taking the right steps forward, using the concepts appropriately. Being on the Launch Team gets you the ability to do that with not just me but with women from all over the US.

There you can share all the great things you are learning to add even more value to the team.

You’ll Want to Let People Know There’s Help

Remember how it felt when you first came to know Jesus as your Savior, and you wanted to go and tell everyone? It was kind of like the women at the well. After she figured out Jesus was the Messiah she went and told the whole town about it. She couldn’t keep it to herself.

Yeah. Like that.

Well, once you start to understand the concepts laid out in this book – that will be you too. Because here is what I know for sure, you will experience healing and freedom. I promise you that.

How can I make that promise? Because I did and I still am.

Before writing the book God had shown me so much about approval addiction. Enough that I thought I could write a book about it. But God kept me humble by teaching me knew concepts with each chapter I wrote.

I’d grow in areas like comparison and jealousy, getting over my fear of rejection to turn my God-dream into a reality, and learning how not to feel like I am so alone in life.

But since then I have re-read my book at least ten more times. Every time, there is another area God shows me that I still need to work on. As I do, I receive more healing and more freedom.

This is why you want to be apart of my Launch Team. Yeah, we’ll have you do some other fun activities like share memes on Facebook or Instagram. We may even ask you to write an Amazon Review online or ask your local bookstore to carry it. But by that time, you’ll be convinced that not only do you need this book, but everyone you know needs this book.

Apply for My Book Launch Team

Now that you realize you need to be on my book launch team, what do you do?

Head over to the launch team page here where you can apply. Once you do, you’ll get a confirmation email. We will have the application available only until 11:59 am on April 2, 2018.  So don’t wait.

We’ll then be sending you a copy of the book and some other goodies. You’ll then be invited to join our closed Facebook group, and we’ll start chatting. If you want to pre-order Like Me or Not before we begin you can enter in to win A VIP package to the Fall Tour of Outcry and get some downloadables, you can do that here.

Like Me or Not Overcoming Approval Addiction

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10 Ways to Quit Comparing and Build Community | Dawn M Owens

10 Ways to Quit Comparing to Build Community Instead

It’s hard to quit comparing to build community. Just last night I was on Instagram and I realized I was doing it, again.

Thankfully, I have learned a thing or two about comparison and how the enemy likes to tempt us with this to pull us away from our relationship with God and with others. So now when this happens, I have the arsenal needed to help me to recognize the devil’s schemes and respond accordingly.

How about you?

Do you know when you have fallen prey to comparison? Have you found yourself putting the phone down and feeling more anxious, maybe even depressed over the view on the screen compared to your life? Does that trigger the need to change your hair, body size, makeup, eating habits, or house? I have been there and done that.

Or are the times that you not only are finding yourself comparing online, but also when you show up to work, or the mommy-date at the park, perhaps at the event you went to last night or the store you were last shopping at in the mall.

It’s not difficult for any of us to get caught up in the trap of comparison. But how do we respond to it when we do.

As an approval addict in recovery, I can find myself caught up in this if I am not aware or careful. Doing so would send me into a downward spiral, and before I knew it, I had torn myself to shreds in my mind. At which point I decided I couldn’t do anything, be anything, or engage in anything because I was less than the person I was comparing myself to at the moment.

However, now that I lead a faith-based non-profit, that temptation to compare becomes even more challenging. Because now it’s not just me, but its just as easy to get caught up in comparing our ministry to another, which is the complete opposite of what God has given us as a vision for our community.

The reality is that for every truth there is about God and His desire for His people, the enemy has a counterfeit. Comparison, aka coveting, is that counterfeit. https://wp.me/p7HNJY-zY #quitcomparing

And the enemy is pretty dang good at it. Coveting is what got him kicked out of heaven in the first place. He wanted what he couldn’t have, and so God said adios to him and a bunch of his friends.

But we do not have to fall prey to that same scheme. We can choose a different path, and in doing so instead of sinning against God (coveting is a sin, which means comparison is too), we could choose a path that brings about unity in the body of Christ and therefore honoring and glorifying God.

10 Ways to Stop Comparing Yourself to Others

10 Ways to Quit Comparing and Start Building Community | Dawn M Owens

Accept-Repent-Re-Focus

1. Accept what you have done
The first step in stopping any cycle, addiction, or struggle is to accept the fact that you have done the very thing you were trying not to do. Without this step none of the others matter.

2. Repent
As I mentioned before, comparison is just a nicer word for coveting. Coveting, being the 10th commandment is a sin. The quicker we repent, the sooner we can get into right relationship with God. He can use a repentant heart.

3. Re-focus your thoughts
Another issue with comparing is that our thoughts are often running wild. The Word says that we are to take our thoughts captive and make them obedient to Christ (2 Corinthians 10:5). When we are set on a path to compare ourselves to others, our thoughts have a mind of their own. They are no longer focused on God, but instead on ourselves.

Paul tells us in Philippians 4:8

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.

Prayer is Powerful

 4. Stop comparing and start praying.
I have found that the quickest way to stop myself from comparing, and therefore focusing my thoughts on me rather than God, is to change my focus.  I start praying for the person in which the comparing began.  It might look like this,

“Lord, I love the way you have fearfully and wonderfully made ___________. You have created ________ to be beautiful in the sight of man. I pray Lord for blessing over ___________________ gifts, talents, and passions. That you would give ___________ favor, where ____________needs it. Bless ___________ hands and feet as _________________  does the work that you have called ______________ to do.”

5. Speak God’s blessing over you
We must keep our focus on God and His perspective during this process.  We not only need to pray a blessing over the person we are comparing ourselves with but we also need to pray a blessing for ourselves. When we compare ourselves to someone else, we also start to tear ourselves apart. But we are created in the image of God, He sees us as daughters and sons, and as heirs to His throne. We certainly do not want to speak against who God created us to be. So try this:

God, I thank you that you created me in your image, with your own two hands. You knitted me together in my mother’s womb. You know my inmost parts. I thank you God for how you made me and that there is no one else like me, which means I can not be compared to anyone else, I am unique in my own right. Lord, I ask you to keep my thoughts pure, to align my heart with yours, to help me see me as you see me, and to be quick to respond to the Holy Spirit’s voice when He tells me to love who you created me to be and not compare myself to others.

Get to the Root Cause

6. Ask yourself, “Why?”
There may be a reason that you are comparing yourself to others. It may be because of how you currently feel about yourself. It may be that you have become disconnected to God. Perhaps you are harboring anger or bitterness against God, yourself, or another. There can be lots of whys in this scenario, but asking the question will help you get to your root cause.

Join the Movement

7. #Cheerheron
I want to start a new trend. Every Wednesday I am showing women on my Instagram and Facebook accounts that I think my followers should follow. I am using the hashtag #womentofollow, but I am adding the hashtag #cheerheron. Because it’s great to mention women that others should follow, but I want to do more than that. I want to change our culture. I want us to build each other up and realize when we are tearing each other down.  So in sharing that woman to follow, I also want you to speak words of encouragement over her and her calling, (recognizing that God has all called us live worthy of our callings).

Dawn Owens | Live Worthy | Do you have a calling?

8. Celebrate our different gifts and talents
The best part of being in a community is that we are not all the same. Could you imagine what life would be like if everyone looked, acted, loved, served, and thought like you?

Although different can feel difficult, can you imagine how dull and mundane that scenario could be? Oh, I would be over myself fast.

The apostle Paul was extremely passionate about unity in the body, and we know this because he talked about in almost every one of his Epistles. In every message he shared with the local churches he was telling them over and over again, honor each other in the gifts that you have received. Stop comparing one gift, talent, or passion to another. Celebrate the fact that we are all created differently for different purposes.

Balancing Social Media

9. Take a break from social media
The best way for you to stop incessantly comparing yourself to others is to take a break from social media. Yes, you can certainly find yourself in a comparison trap off of social media, but it is not as in your face or this case, screen. If you find yourself in that scenario off-line as much as you do online than I would say stay away from those places, situations, or venues for a time if you are able. Giving yourself a break will also help you give your thoughts a break. Those times will bring clarity and focus.

10. Use your feed as a prayer list
The best way to change the way you think is to go into it with a different perspective. Instead of scrolling mindlessly and finding yourself caught in a trap, use your feed, (Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest) whatever your social media of choice may be, as a way to pray for others. When we are focused on lifting up friends, family, acquaintances or celebrities, we may or may not know about God, our perspective changes. It’s difficult to compare, covet or have feelings of jealousy when we are lifting up those people to our Father. 

There you have it, 10 ways to help you when you find yourself comparing your life to another.

I have got one more, we’ll call it a bonus, way you can help support someone else and dig into this character flaw a bit further.

You may know that my book Like Me or Not: Overcoming Approval Addiction just became available for pre-order last week. If not, you want to go check out all the great giveaways and downloads available.

LMON Facebook Pre-Order

Apply for My Launch Team

But now I am inviting women from all over to apply for my launch team. This is an excellent way for you to start learning how your need for approval will affect your relationships. In turn, this keeps us in a place of comparison and effectively taking us out of community. In fact, chapter 6 in the book addresses just that issue.

If helping yourself so you can help others sounds intriguing, then be sure to apply today. We will only be accepting applications until April 2, 2018, and spots are limited.

Join My Launch Team

Questions: Which of the 10 ways was most convicting to you? How will you start to implement it in your daily life?

 

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