Momma, Will They Like Me?

Kids all over the U.S. are heading back to school and right now the question resonating on all of their hearts is, “Momma, will they like me?”

As parents and guardians, we surely can relate to this feeling.

Every time we take a new job, we attend a meeting for the first time, a new small group, or even a new volunteer opportunity.

We wonder just as our children do, will they like me?

So, if we struggle with the same question. How can we help our children in making that adjustment back to school?

6 Tips to Help Your Children Make New Friends

Affirm their feelings. Let’s face it, making new friends is scary. Letting them know their feelings are okay can be encouraging and affirming to them. They’ll know they are not alone.

Remind them this is not the first time they are making new friends. I ran into this question with my child as he was starting camp this summer. When I reminded him this was not the first time he was making new friends he realized if he was successful once before and he can do it again. This gave him the confidence and reassurance that he needed in being open to meeting new people.

Tell them who they are. Your child has strength and abilities unique to them. Tell them who they are as unique creations made in the image of God. Gush over them about all that you know to be amazing about them. Don’t worry about their egos, at this point, they need to be built up, not torn down.

Ask them to consider the other children who are also struggling with the same idea. You can use this to encourage them to be the brave one. To go over to someone and introduce themselves or sit with the child that is sitting by themselves.

Pray with them. Take a moment and pray with them about their fears, using God’s Word as a guide to help them learn how to lean on God to overcome this hurdle. You could use Philippians 4:6-7 reminding them not to be anxious about anything but instead praying to and giving thanks to God that the God of peace that surpasses all understanding will guard their hearts in Christ Jesus. (my paraphrase)

Momma Will They Like Me | Dawn M Owens

Know who you are

This may sound a bit strange to you as a way to encourage your child. But children learn from their parents. If you are unsure of who you are then you are probably communicating that to your children. As parents, we have a responsibility to our children to be our best selves. When you don’t know who that is, it can be just as confusing to them as it is to you.  My encouragement is to dig into God’s Word. We are who God says we are but we have to know what He says to know how to respond.

Children learn from their parents. If you are unsure of who you are then your children are probably confused as well.

Our children are going to struggle. But as we listen to them and their fears, pray with them, and encourage them we can watch God do immeasurably more than we could ask or imagine in their lives.

What other ideas do you have to share with other parents on how they can help their children make new friends?

Check out some of these other resources:

How to Know If You Are an Approval Addict

What are You Called To Do?

Are you Afraid of Rejection?

Like Me or Not: Overcoming Approval Addiction

 

Like Me or Not Now Available

 

How to Quit People-Pleasing In Three Easy Steps

How to Quit People-Pleasing in 3 Easy Steps

The struggle with wanting to be a people-pleaser is real. Most of us, struggle with it every day. But what if there was a way to quit trying to please others in just three easy steps?

Last week, we talked about five ways to know if you are an approval addict. If you haven’t read that post, go back and read that here. It’ll only take a few minutes because you can’t get help if you don’t know if you have a problem.

To help us understand these three easy steps let’s look at the difference between two guys and how they handled their need to please.

First up is a guy named Saul. You can find him in the Bible in 1 Samuel. He was tall, dark, and handsome and from the tribe of Benjamite (the least significant of all the tribes). He was sent on a donkey-hunting mission by his father and like most teenage boys wasn’t super-excited about his assignment.

What he didn’t know is that his mission would take him to the “God-man” a prophet named Samuel. Samuel had asked God to provide Israel with a king (cause they wanted to be like other nations) and God said, “If it’s a King they want, then it’s a King they will get.”

Spoiler alert: Saul is anointed as King by Samuel.

But Saul had a small problem that he struggled with and we see for about6 chapters of his story…people-pleasing. Nearly every decision he made he worried about the people and therefore, he did everything in his power to please them.

And it only took a few years before Samuel came back to Saul and told him that God had rejected him as King because he cared more about pleasing man that seeking the approval of God.

Which is where we come to our next guy…well, at the time he was a young boy, about 12-years old to be exact. His name was David. And just like Saul, also grew to be tall, dark and handsome. He was from the lowest of professions in Israel, a shepherd.

Samuel anointed him as king to replace Saul (which Saul could not stand), but unlike Saul who was completely insecure and unsure of himself, David knew who he was and whose He was. David responded out of his identity in God rather than how man defined him.

There are three steps we can take to learn from David. These three ways help us to know what we do grounded in God’s approval and not seeking the approval of man.

People Pleasing1_Pintrest.png

Step One: Trust God at His Word

When David was anointed as King, he stood on that word. David didn’t question it, rather he rested in it. He trusted God knew what was best for him. He didn’t waver, he wasn’t insecure and he responded to every challenge with this in mind.

Step Two: Remember God’s Mighty Works

When David came to the battlefield where the Israelites were at a standstill with the Philistines and he told King Saul he could take out the giant Goliath, he did so out of a belief in the mighty work of God. He had already seen God kill a bear and lion with his bare hands, he knew that if God could do that, then he could take down this giant with no problem. David pulled out his sling and secured his rock, remembering what God had already done. He had all the confidence in the world, God could do it again.

Step Three: Believe in God’s abilities more than the abilities of man

When King Saul suggested to David that he put in on his army, David had no faith in him. When he looked at the army sitting on the hill, he had no faith in them. David believed in what God could do far more than he believed in the men around him.

You Only Need God's Approval

Now I ask you to consider these for yourself:

1. Can YOU trust God at His word?

2. Have you considered the mighty works of God and all He has done?

3. Do you believe in God’s abilities more than the abilities of man?

There is no doubt in my mind that we all struggle and will continue to struggle to rest in knowing we are already fully accepted and approved by God. However, if we consider these three areas, we can begin to see how worthy of our trust our God is knowing that He already knows who we are.

Take a moment and consider those three steps and ask yourself, which one do you struggle with the most?

Why I am a Professed Approval Addict

I am an approval addict. There, I said it.

“I AM AN APPROVAL ADDICT!!!” Goodness, that feels good. It’s empowering to own up to the things we struggle with, don’t you think?

Being an approval addict began as a child, for me and intensified over the years. Now, in the age of social media, it only exacerbates the problem. I have the constant temptation every time I make a post to see if people “liked” my post, left a comment, or the ultimate compliment, “shared” my content with their followers.

Maybe I am the only one to deal with being an approval addict, but my guess is on some level you too are challenged with wanting, really needing the approval of others.

How do I know this?

We were all created with a need for approval. As image bearers of God, He created us with a desire to be fully known, and fully approved by Him. But, here is the good news.

“Go, eat your food with gladness, and drink your wine with a joyful heart, for it is now that God favors what you do.” (Ecclesiastes 9:7)

Did you catch that last part? Let me repeat it, “God favors what you do.”

He. favors. you. Gosh, I love those three words.

But here is the problem, as much as He has set our hearts to be approved by Him, we get it all mixed up.

We take the desire God gave us for heaven, and we set our sights on earth. #approvaladdict

We warp the pure relationship we could have with Him which is healthy, honorable, and true and exchange it for one that will never be able to fully satisfy our needs.

We seek the approval of those around us. In our homes; at school; in our workplaces and online.

We put more value in what the person on the other side of the screen thinks of us than honoring the God who created us.

In the core of our addiction, we have a slew of challenges wrapped up in packages of people pleasing, insecurity, jealousy, control, and anger, just to name a few. When we let it all pile up we isolate and become depressed. (Fact: People in depression and taking depression related medication have hit epidemic proportions.)

It’s been years since I admitted I had a problem. Since then God has taken me on a journey to learn how to overcome this addiction to approval, and though I am not completely healed, yet…I believe I have some wisdom I can share with you. 

This is why I have written a book called Like Me…or Not: Overcoming the Addiction to Approval which will tentatively be in bookstores this summer (2018).

So why would a self-professed approval addict, ever go through the intense approval-seeking, platform building and editing-process of publishing a book and announcing this inner-struggle to the world?

You.

You are the reason why I am professing I am an approval addict to the world.

You are why I just spent the last year pouring out my heart over what was once 65,000 words, now chopped down to 57,000 words and by the time my editor at Worthy-Inspired gets through with it, it will be less than 50,000 words. (Talk about having to be willing to let go of your need for approval. Ouch.)

You are also why I am subjecting myself to the daily temptation of seeking approval by posting online, writing blogs, finding speaking engagements, and sharing some of my most vulnerable moments with the world.

I am doing all of this because I know there is strength in vulnerability. We can find unity in our weaknesses. And that maybe, just maybe, as I share my struggles you can feel the freedom to share yours.

Why I am a Professed Approval Addict @dawnmarieowens #approvaladdict

Does any of this sound interesting to you? Great! Because now, I am going to need your help. It’s one thing to write the book. It’s another feat to find an agent to represent you, and then to get a publisher that is interested in publishing the book. As if that is not enough, now I have to figure out how to sell the book.

But, that’s where you come in.

So, here is what you can do to help. If you aren’t already, start following me on one of my social media platforms through Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter. I also am starting to have a presence on Pinterest.

You will also want to sign up for updates because I know you want to be up-to-date on all the new book information. So stop reading now, and subscribe to my blog emails. You can do that on the right-hand side of the page. That’s all I need you to do for now. (Unless of course, you would like to happen to share some of my blogs, my posts, my tweets, or pin images to your boards.) The key now is for me to start sharing with everyone that I can that I wrote a book and help others know they can find answers if they read it.

The key now is for me to start sharing with everyone I can that I wrote a book about overcoming the addiction to approval and how it can help others know they can find answers if they read it.

Over the next few weeks, I am going to share with you the back story of how God opened up the door for me to get my book published and how I had to battle my approval addiction at every turn.

Even if you don’t ever want to publish a book, I promise you’ll learn a few things from my missteps, which will help you not only understand more about your need approval. But, it will also teach you how to deal with those everyday challenges us approval addicts need to learn how to face head-on.

Let’s start off our journey together nice and easy, shall we? Tell me who you are, where you’re from, and why you feel like approval addiction is an important topic for us to cover in this day and age. Share below so we can all engage together and we’ll know none of us are alone.

Want to check out my last few posts?

Hope: How Badly Do You Want It

5 Ways to Lose Hope