How to Quit People-Pleasing In Three Easy Steps

How to Quit People-Pleasing in 3 Easy Steps

The struggle with wanting to be a people-pleaser is real. Most of us, struggle with it every day. But what if there was a way to quit trying to please others in just three easy steps?

Last week, we talked about five ways to know if you are an approval addict. If you haven’t read that post, go back and read that here. It’ll only take a few minutes because you can’t get help if you don’t know if you have a problem.

To help us understand these three easy steps let’s look at the difference between two guys and how they handled their need to please.

First up is a guy named Saul. You can find him in the Bible in 1 Samuel. He was tall, dark, and handsome and from the tribe of Benjamite (the least significant of all the tribes). He was sent on a donkey-hunting mission by his father and like most teenage boys wasn’t super-excited about his assignment.

What he didn’t know is that his mission would take him to the “God-man” a prophet named Samuel. Samuel had asked God to provide Israel with a king (cause they wanted to be like other nations) and God said, “If it’s a King they want, then it’s a King they will get.”

Spoiler alert: Saul is anointed as King by Samuel.

But Saul had a small problem that he struggled with and we see for about6 chapters of his story…people-pleasing. Nearly every decision he made he worried about the people and therefore, he did everything in his power to please them.

And it only took a few years before Samuel came back to Saul and told him that God had rejected him as King because he cared more about pleasing man that seeking the approval of God.

Which is where we come to our next guy…well, at the time he was a young boy, about 12-years old to be exact. His name was David. And just like Saul, also grew to be tall, dark and handsome. He was from the lowest of professions in Israel, a shepherd.

Samuel anointed him as king to replace Saul (which Saul could not stand), but unlike Saul who was completely insecure and unsure of himself, David knew who he was and whose He was. David responded out of his identity in God rather than how man defined him.

There are three steps we can take to learn from David. These three ways help us to know what we do grounded in God’s approval and not seeking the approval of man.

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Step One: Trust God at His Word

When David was anointed as King, he stood on that word. David didn’t question it, rather he rested in it. He trusted God knew what was best for him. He didn’t waver, he wasn’t insecure and he responded to every challenge with this in mind.

Step Two: Remember God’s Mighty Works

When David came to the battlefield where the Israelites were at a standstill with the Philistines and he told King Saul he could take out the giant Goliath, he did so out of a belief in the mighty work of God. He had already seen God kill a bear and lion with his bare hands, he knew that if God could do that, then he could take down this giant with no problem. David pulled out his sling and secured his rock, remembering what God had already done. He had all the confidence in the world, God could do it again.

Step Three: Believe in God’s abilities more than the abilities of man

When King Saul suggested to David that he put in on his army, David had no faith in him. When he looked at the army sitting on the hill, he had no faith in them. David believed in what God could do far more than he believed in the men around him.

You Only Need God's Approval

Now I ask you to consider these for yourself:

1. Can YOU trust God at His word?

2. Have you considered the mighty works of God and all He has done?

3. Do you believe in God’s abilities more than the abilities of man?

There is no doubt in my mind that we all struggle and will continue to struggle to rest in knowing we are already fully accepted and approved by God. However, if we consider these three areas, we can begin to see how worthy of our trust our God is knowing that He already knows who we are.

Take a moment and consider those three steps and ask yourself, which one do you struggle with the most?

7 ways to overcome discouragement

7 Ways to Overcome Discouragement

Normally I am an upbeat, happy-go-lucky, very positive person. But this past holiday season, I battled discouragement something fierce.

I am not sure if you have ever experienced times like these where you felt like you just couldn’t shake that feeling. That icky, I don’t feel like myself, but I don’t know why feeling?

In my case, it made me want to start isolating myself; steering clear of social gatherings. I wanted off social media because watching everyone’s life was only making matters worse. All the while I was praying, reading my Bible, and attending church. But, nothing I was seemed to do could shake off how I was feeling. I was stuck in a battle with discouragement and I could not fight my way out.

It was frustrating. Lonely. And emotionally draining.

So what happened? How did I overcome this overwhelming feeling of discouragement to start being able to be engaged in the world again?

Here are the seven ways I overcame discouragement:

  1. Tell someone. First of all, I took a leap of faith and confessed my emotional state to someone I trusted.
  2. Let them share the truth. Sharing how I felt with someone else allowed that individual to speak truth to my situation. As I shared my fears they reminded me my emotions do not determine my actions, nor do they always align with God’s truth.
  3. Encourage your faith. That, in turn, encouraged me in my faith in a God who was bigger than my circumstances in the moment.  In recognizing, God was able to overcome my situation, regardless of my emotional state, it led me to number 4.
  4. Make gratitude a habit. Discouragement is the exact opposite of encouragement. I knew God had done a lot in the last year, I journal about it all the time. However, when I started keeping a gratitude journal it helped me keep the highlights rather than making me dig. I have praise reports accessible and easy to access for the days that aren’t as rosy as others.
  5. Speak God’s Word over your circumstance. The Bible says “Death and life are in the power of the tongue…” (Proverbs 18:21, KJV). As I read God’s Word and found promises of who I was or what He was capable of doing, I started speaking God’s Word over me and it caused me to believe God despite my current emotional state.
  6. Let them pray. A huge turning point for me was when I made a confession of my struggle to my team at work. Once I shared how I had been battling this for some time, and what felt like a very lonely place, they surrounded me and prayed over me. I believe God responded to my humility and brokenness with His love for me through the prayers of His people.
  7. Learn who God is. I decided at the end of the year to embark on reading the entire Bible in 2018. I have never accomplished this before nor is it a goal I usually set. I like to consume slowly and leisurely rather than for the sake of hitting markers. However, I decided if I was going to take this one it was going to be for one reason, to know God more. When I started reading the Bible to get to know God, my emotional state changed. The way I approached my day and the people around me shifted. I was no longer consumed with thoughts about me, but rather consumed with God.

So there you have it: Seven ways I overcame the battle with discouragement and you can too.

Overcome the battle with discouragement with these 7 tips. #hope

What do you think? Do any of those ways help you in your struggle? Comment below to share which one(s) help you the most.

Check out my last few blog posts:

Why I am A Professed Approval Addict

Hope: How Badly Do You Want it

Want to get updates on when my book, Like Me or Not: Overcoming Approval Addiction (Worthy Publishing, 2018), will be released? Subscribe to my email list.