How to be Patient when you are Impatient

“I never pray for patience,” my husband said matter-of-factly. “For I know if I do, I am going to end up in a traffic jam.”

There is a bit of truth to that statement. I have the feeling, it sums up how many of us feel about the idea of learning patience.

The reality is,

there is only one way to learn patience: having times where you have no other choice but to wait.

And the risk we take is actually admitting we are impatient. I sure don’t like admitting that to anyone, at least not out loud.

Well, here lately, I have been having those “traffic jam” moments. Not just one. But, quite a few of them. Which has caused me to realize that God has been trying to teach me something.

LEARN FROM EXPERIENCE

In the last year, I have embarked on something new to me. I have entered into the world of traditional book publishing.

For years, God has been working on my heart, redeeming my past, and challenging my point of view to help me see how He has gifted me to write. This blog, in fact, became a part of my leap of faith in getting started with a public writing ministry again.

But God, was patient with me in my scooting around His truth, and after a few months of blogging, reminded me how He had laid on my heart to write a book about overcoming the addiction to approval, not start a blog as I had done.

And so I went, rooting out my old book proposal from years ago, reading it again and coming to the realization that it was actually quite good. Which was a totally surprise me.

And so I decided I needed to obey God to obtain an agent to get my book published.

Now in theory, that sounds wonderful. But, in practicality it is a whole different story. You see in the publishing world things can move at a snails pace. A book that you get sold now may not be actually published until two years from now.

But for the sake of my example, and how God taught me how to be patient when I am being impatient, allow me just a moment to share with you how this long, tedious process works.

First you need to send an email to an agent to query them on your book idea. Different agents have different submission guidelines but most of the time they either want an entire book proposal or the first few pages of your book. You can choose to do snail mail if you still live in the dark ages, but really an email works just fine.

Wait.

4-6 weeks later, get an email back that will indicate their interest. Check your email incessantly day after day, hoping, no, WILLING, an email to come back from said agent, all the while being slightly fearful of what their email might say.

Receive email. Hallelujah!!! Hear angels singing, scream at the top of your lungs. (Oh wait, maybe that was just me.) Decide if I you should open email with friends or alone where no one can read the rejection with you.

You will know almost immediately whether or not they are interested. Agents are also writers, and they typically get to the point. Why dilly-dally.

Honestly, I think this process is to really train you for the long haul. I mean, it’s like becoming a runner. You don’t do a marathon before you run a 5k. In the book-publishing world, you need to be ready for the marathon; this is training for the long, hard race.

Back in January was when this all began. It took three different email inquiries to find an agent who showed interested. Hallelujah! I may or may not have screamed out loud in my office by myself, with no one around to say whether or not it happened. I plead the 5th.

But, because I am an unpublished author, the agent requested I write the manuscript before he’d consider signing me. Sigh. Hey if it was easy, everyone would do it.

Wait again. This time you are working frantically while you wait, because now you must produce the very thing you said you could. But nonetheless, it feels like a long drawn out wait because you won’t get an answer on representation until the manuscript is done.

And I don’t know about you, but I can’t produce a 50,000-60,000 word manuscript to perfection overnight.

Now fast forward a few months. Writing. Living. Writing some more.

During that time I decide I am going to attend a writer’s conference where I can pitch my idea to other agents (it’s a free market) and editors from various publishing houses. While also making contacts, learning how to write better and eventually market said book.

Good news! Conference went really well and had lots of interest.

Get home from conference to follow up with everyone I met with to send book proposals and thank you notes.

Email. Email. Email some more. And wait.

A few were quick to return responses within a week.

However, others, well, that is where the waiting patiently muscle has to be flexed.

Week, after week, after week, after week…nothing.

So now it’s been 9 months since I first started sending out the book proposal to agents and I have not signed with an agent, yet still have three I am waiting on response from. And an email inbox just waiting to receive their email.

Sigh. If only we could will an answer.

Oh and prayer? Yes, ma’am, pretty please, and believe me you there has been a lot of that going on.

DO THE OPPOSITE OF PATIENT

But these past few weeks I started to realize something about myself. I no longer having an internal struggle of impatience; it started erupting out of every part of me.

My arms would start flailing as I passionately expressed my challenges with this industry and process. My voice would get louder. I sometimes sounded, angry. Angry? Where did that come from? I mean, the view from the outside may be that of a child, throwing a fit.

Not me! I wouldn’t do that. Sigh. Blush. But I did. Oh yes I did.

So this week I reflected on the feelings being expressed during the wait. First of, I recognized how irritated I had become. Even offended, at times. It didn’t help that I compared their lack of response to other agents I was communicating with recently. Then there was the moaning, complaining and then my moments of venting annoyance.

And here is what the Holy Spirit, in my seeking said to me. Okay, really the Holy Spirit did not speak in an audible voice from heaven. It actually came from a colleague…but oh I knew it was Him as soon as she said it.

Here is what she said, “Do you not trust the Lord to supply the right agent at the right time. I mean, He got you this far. He’s not going to let you down now.”

Ouch. Anyone else have a friend like that? Man are they annoying.

But truly, we all need friends like these who listen to the Lord and are not afraid to share a fresh word of truth to us.

She was right. God was right. I was not trusting. My response was immature and completely impatient.

SURRENDER AND TRUST

The Lord’s intent was to teach me patience, however, I did the exact opposite.

But I learned an important lesson in this and maybe it will help you too.

The only way to learn patience when you are impatient is: surrender control and trust the Lord.
It’s doing the exact opposite of the thing you are doing. You see, I was playing tug-o-war with the Lord. I am a Bible-believing Christian. I do my quiet times in the morning. I spend time praying throughout the day.

Many times I would say to myself “I trust you Lord. Whatever you want Lord, I trust you.”

But I was taking it back. Every time I asked the question, why haven’t I heard yet? Every time I wondered if they had forgotten about me. When someone would ask how the process was going, it felt like salt in the wound, I wanted to be able to say I had an agent, a book contract the whole shebang.

You and I may believe God’s timing is perfect, but are we really surrendering our plans, our dreams, and our goals to allow Him to work them out in His timing. Or are we playing tug-of-war with our emotions, when the reality is we really aren’t in control.

So here is what I did. Maybe it is what you need to do too.

I went home. I picked up my laptop computer and I placed it in my hands. I literally lifted it off the table. You see, most days my hands are typing on the keyboard, holding it into place, keeping it under my control. But that night, I gave it all over to the Lord.

I repeated what Job said after he lost everything, “The Lord gives. The Lord takes away. Blessed be the name of the Lord.”

His timing is perfect. His plan is already in place. Do you trust Him?

The only way you are ever going to be able to show patience in the midst of impatience is if you surrender it all and trust Him to do the work He is more than capable of doing. Let Him be your advocate. And lay the rope down.

What are you struggling with right now that is making you extremely impatient? Is there something that represents what are you are struggling with that you can use as you surrender and trust the Lord?

Uncomfortable: One Family’s Story of Reconciliation

Leslie never imagined her life would turn out that way.

Addicted to drugs.

Estranged from her family.

Selling everything she had to eat and to use.

She never imagined a day when the Department of Human Resources (DHR) would take her 3-year-old son, Garrett away from her.

But it happened.

A few weeks ago we discussed how there are times in our lives we need to become comfortable with the uncomfortable in order to receive a blessing. We used a story from 1 Kings of Elisha and the Shunammite woman. You can read that post here.

At the time Garrett was taken from Leslie, her addiction got worse, not better. Having her son removed from her custody only increased her drug use rather than her wake up call, her rock bottom.

“The day they took Garrett from me, I remember throwing a fit on my porch,” Leslie shared. I slammed my head against the pillar, kicked the table, and slammed the door going into my house.”

By this time Leslie had so much anger, hurt, and unforgiveness deeply rooted in her heart, the only way she knew to cope with the pain was by acting out.

She was already distant from God. She distanced herself further from healthy, safe people, and sunk deeper into addiction.

For Leslie it wasn’t an “ah-a” God moment that turned her life around. In fact, the thing God used to get Leslie’s attention was fear. And let’s face it, fear can feel really uncomfortable.

“ I was sworn into Drug Court, in lieu of going to prison. I had to spend the next twelve months going to court a few times a month, going to the Intensive Outpatient Program three days a week for three hours a day, and consistently test negative for drug use,” Leslie explained.

“Knowing that if I relapsed or didn’t follow through I could be sent off to prison got me moving forward in the right direction.”

For Leslie, she had to learn how to surrender to God in the uncomfortable.

And in doing so she learned how to forgive, how to submit to authority, and how to exhibit patience when all she wanted to do was run.

How about you?

Are you in a place where you feel stuck?

Perhaps you feel like you are spinning around in a destructive cycle and can’t seem to figure a way out.

What if God is allowing these circumstances right now for you to feel uncomfortable so that ultimately He can bless you with His spiritual blessings?

What can you do while you are in this very uncomfortable place?

  1. Surrender to God. I love what Peter says in Mark 10:28, “Behold, we have left everything and followed You.” That’s the sum of it. Leave whatever it is you are clinging to: control, addiction, anger, unforgiveness, unbelief and surrender it to God.
  2. Embrace the discomfort. As hard as those words are to read, and even harder to do, embracing the season your in is so much easier than fighting against it. When you embrace your discomfort, it can become your companion rather than your enemy.
  3. Wait on the blessing. “Blessed are all they that wait for him.” Isaiah 30:18 Your blessing is coming, God promises it. But you are going to have to choose daily to wait on Him to bring that blessing in His timing.

garrett and leslie

Garret is now 9 years old and has been back living with his Mom for over five years now. God allowed this season of discomfort in Leslie’s life to help her find freedom from addiction, forgiveness, and hope.

Leslie is no different than you and I. God will is able to do more than we ask or imagine (Eph 3:20, NIV), when we choose to surrender to the uncomfortable.

How do you feel when you are uncomfortable? Does it bring you comfort to hear stories of how God can provide blessing in the midst of discomfort?